When I am King: Media Frenzy

When I am King...

Television and movies will suck. For their own good.

The super-secret code for Hi-Def DVDs has now been cracked, and it is now possible for people to make illicit copies of these DVDs. This has thrown the media industry into a tizzy once again, trying to sue websites, people, and God to stop the spread of this unstoppable secret.

But there is a simpler and more effective means of protection available to the industry: make DVDs so awful that nobody would bother. This approach would be far more effective than any secret code, and certainly less expensive and tedious than hiring legions of lawyers to litigate the cosmos.

Fortunately, the industry is a fair way down this path already. In particular, most DVDs composed of television content is unwatchable drivel and thus completely safe from piracy.

In particular, the move toward Reality TV is a brilliant one, where the networks attempt to hook people on watching other people's lives. One day, people will realize that they have a choice of simply living their own lives instead, and will thus have no need for illegal copies of DVDs of these other lives.

In my kingdom, there will be no movies or TV worth watching at all, simply to protect the industry from inevitable piracy of quality content. People will use televisions simply as space heaters and light sources. DVD players will become lamp stands with built-in cup holders. With the time that this bold move will free up for everyone, I envision a limitless and infinitely capable society, with people being able to do far more in life, like surfing the web and playing computer games.

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