The Twelve Days of Christmas Shopping

On the first day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

A box.

On the second day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Two cardboard boxes

And a box.

On the third day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the fourth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the fifth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the sixth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the seventh day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Eight cardboard boxes,

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the ninth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Nine cardboard boxes,

Eight cardboard boxes,

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the tenth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Ten cardboard boxes,

Nine cardboard boxes,

Eight cardboard boxes,

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Eleven cardboard boxes,

Ten cardboard boxes,

Nine cardboard boxes,

Eight cardboard boxes,

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

Amazon sent to me

Twelve cardboard boxes,

Eleven cardboard boxes,

Ten cardboard boxes,

Nine cardboard boxes,

Eight cardboard boxes,

Seven cardboard boxes,

Six cardboard boxes,

Five envelopes,

Four cardboard boxes,

Three cardboard boxes,

Two cardboard boxes,

And a box.

Concert Review, I Guess

I generally try to stick to comedy here and post the more serious stuff on my technical blog. But occasionally I'll write something that's neither work nor comedy, and I have to put it somewhere (in addition to my Super Secret Diary And Psychotic Serial Killer Diatribes Notebook). So here's this.

------------

I enjoyed the hell out of the Joe Satriani concert at the Fox Theater in Oakland last night. It's the first concert I've been to in years, if not decades; I generally think concerts are too overpriced and overcrowded to be worth the hassle. I learned some interesting tidbits at the show (beside the obvious bit about Satriani being pretty damn magical, but that wasn't anything new):

- Living Colour rocks: There was a warmup band that I didn't think much about before they started playing; then I realized that I knew this band. Living Colour rose to fame in the last 80s with a couple of hits and an interesting blend of musical styles, including straightforward metal rock. Blending this with amazing vocals and great instrumentals makes for good songs. I lost touch with them in the early 90s, and they disbanded sometime in there. Apparently they reunited some time ago and, also apparently, still have it. Their lead singer covers a broad spectrum from metal-friendly screaming to funk to gospel-like riffs (sometimes all in one song). The guitarist was a monster, totally in keeping with the speed-metal theme for the night and the bassist and drummer held their own as well, with the bass player playing an entire song on his own in the upper registers, reminding me of some of the Bend Folds Five use of bass-as-guitar songs.
And the best part: They were all dressed totally low key. I don't know that I've ever gone to a rock concert where the lead singer was wearing a tweed beret, jeans, and a sweater vest.
They're my new [old] favorite rock band to go research. And totally appropriate for my habit of not getting into a band until decades after everyone else gave up on them (I'm a bit slow on the uptake, sorry. I'm still heavily into Floyd and Gabriel-era-Genesis...).

- Satriani: 'nuff said.

- Satriani, like any musician of his caliber, hires amazing musicians for his tour. Better yet, he features them in a way that someone like him needn't. You'd think with the eponymously -named band that it would be all about him, but every member of the band has his part to play. For example:

- Mike Keneally: The second guitarist and keyboardist for Satriani was amazing on both instruments. For the most part, his guitar parts were rhythm, but he'd come forward and take the lead occasionally, including trading fours and eights with Satriani in a couple of tunes. Amazing to play that well on one instrument, jaw-dropping to see him also play the keyboard as well as he did.

- Macro Minnemann: The drummer was simply amazing. I've played with some very good drummers and have always thought that a master of that instrument was more fun to watch than any other musician because drumming is a full-body contact sport. When someone's playing a large kit with all four appendages rapid-firing every which way in perfect time, it's a joy to behold. And he had it in spades. At one point, the band took a break (as bands do), except them left him there to play a 10 minute solo. I've heard a lot of drum solos over the years, and generally you're ready for them to be over quickly. But a good drummer can make a song out of anything, and he did.

Anyway, that's probably enough gushing for now. I have to go - I have some new music to stream.

Song: Questions

Often, I'll think of a joke and realize it'd be better in a poem.
Sometimes, I'll write that poem and realize it'd be better as a song.
Rarely, I'll come up with the music and the rest of the lyrics for that song.
Almost never, I'll actually complete all of these steps and manage to record the result.

Questions

Do recruiters have a hire calling?

If you drop a thermometer, is the temperature falling?

Is the covering over a tomb a-palling?

What is it all about?

I wonder:

Why trees never come but always leave?

If magicians always have arms up their sleeve?

If a knight without armor cannot greave?

Why do I have so much doubt?

Questions:

Questions on my mind.

With answers

That I cannot find.

And so I keep on asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking…

Them.

If it goes without saying, is the point then mute?

If a mountain is pretty, does that make it a butte?

If an angle is tiny, does that make it a cute

One? How will I ever know?

I wonder:

Do lonely books keep to them shelves?

Does Santa help those who help thems elves?

Should we hold our watches to hour selves?

These are my lines to tow.

Questions:

Questions like these.

With answers:

Help find them please.

And so I keep on asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking…

Them.

Key change

Ooooooooooooooooo

Key change

Ooooooooooooooooo

Key change;

Must be the bridge.

If a question is stupid, is any answer wrong?

If I write down a poem, should I make it a song?

If I sing for three minutes, is that two too long?

I guess I should end this thing now.

Questions:

Questions like those

With answers:

That nobody knows

And so I keep on asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them and asking them...

Sunday Comics: Music to My Ears

Papal Reign

I never meant to cause you sorrow

I only meant to cause me gain

I only wanted to one time get elected

I only wanted to see you let me get the papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

I only wanted to see you, baby, give me papal reign.

I never wanted to be your weekend ruler.

I only wanted to be your Pope and friend.

Baby I don't want to be any crueler.

It's such a shame my popeship had to end.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

I only wanted to see you give me papal reign.

Honey, I know, I know, the church times are changing.

It's time we all reach out for someone new.

That means me too.

You say you want a leader,

But you can't seem to make up your mind.

I think you better do a conclave,

And let a new cardinal take the papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

Papal reign, papal reign.

I only wanted to see you see me in my papal reign.

(With apologies to the Artist Formerly Known as Squiggly Glyph.)