Travelin' Rhyme

I’m so happy for my kid
That I can’t hardly speak, uh,
That she’s traveling on her own
Way down in Costa Rica.

One thing that folks do down there
Is zipline through the jungle.
The speed must help avoid contracting
Maladies quite fungal.

She’s helping in a project that
To me seemed very sound;
She’ll spend the next two weeks down there
Tied up in Outward Bound.

The girls will go out to the beach
To help each baby turtle
Whose parents sucked at parenting
(Apart from being fertile).

I hope the bugs don’t suck her dry,
Or carry her away.
Maybe baths in bug spray will
Keep most of them at bay.

The weather there is quite intense;
It couldn’t be much hotter.
And there is such humidity,
It’s drier in the water.

She’ll return in two short weeks
To everyone that missed her;
Her laptop, phone, and game device,
(Plus parents, brother, and sister).


Things I Believe: Thoughts for Friday

A thing of beauty is a joy until she files a restraining order.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
And if you can't stand the dinner, get out of my house.

If you can't beat them, join them.
And if you can't join them, weld them.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try to find someone to blame.


Important American Vocabulary for Foreign Peoples (3)

Okay, it’s time for the third installment of this important vocabulary series. Today, I’ll cover words that are significant in that they are the next five on my list.

detritus: This word’s alliterative qualities make it perfect for describing trash in a manner that also depicts the aspersions (another fine word) cast upon the items by the speaker. Just the fact that the speaker used three syllables to mean “trash” should be enough to convince any listeners that the speaker can’t possibly be lumped in with the target of his denigration (yet another fine word).

ludicrous: This word is especially effective in its spoken form when the initial lu syllable is stressed and lengthened (“luuuu”), mimicking the ridiculousness of the subject with the luuuudicrousness of the speaker’s enunciation.

nostrum: I just like this word because it sounds like “nostril” (an inherently funny word and orifice), but actually has naught (another good word, especially if you want to sound snotty and over-educated, or English (a synonym)) to do with it.

sewage: I like sound of this word, mimicking as it does the sound you might hear if you mistakenly walked through a pile of it. I also like its relationship to the legal term “sue”, as in the phrase, “Greedy lawyers are creating entirely too much sewage in our courts.”

meek: This word has a fantastic sound, verbally defining its meaning through the final eek sound. I can picture a mouse uttering this syllable, right before getting squished, or before running out onto the kitchen floor and causing the cook to shout a similar word prior to jumping onto a stool, which makes the same sound just before it teeters and falls, sending the stool and the chef onto the poor, meek mouse, who dies with a final, quiet “meek!”
Sure, they’ll inherit the Earth. (The meek, I mean. Not the mice - they'll just continue living in the walls of The Meek's inheritance.) But that’s just in compensation for suffering for the rest of all history getting needlessly squished by everyone and everything else.


Things I Believe: Thoughts for Friday

It's better to light a candle than curse the DAMMIT! HOT WAX!

Talk is cheap, but listening's expensive.
You owe me big.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Except for the wreck that puts you in a coma.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
Or until it opens its mouth and speaks.