2/01/2007

When I am King: Fruit Pizza Stoppings

When I am King...

Fruit toppings will no longer be allowed on pizza.

I know that this will be one of my more controversial decrees. But I feel strongly that government has a duty to intercede on behalf of society and to impose regulation in critical areas for the betterment of its citizens. Fruity pizza is clearly in this realm.

Many people apparently think that pineapple on pizza is good. They're wrong.

Fruit and pizza simply don't belong together. It's like cats and dogs, balloons and stilettos, babies and power outlets, celebrities and spouses; they just don't get along. Would you add milk to your orange juice? Prunes to your salami sandwich? Broccoli to your jello mold? Salsa to your ice cream? String beans to your smoothie?

As part of this change, I will rectify ancient botanical mistakes and finally declare tomatoes to be a vegetable.
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