A Donut for Christmas

A donut for Christmas is all that I want
In fact it is all that I need.
I don't need more games or gadgets or toys
Or movies or big books to read.

I just want a donut, with sprinkles on top,
For that I will beg and then plead.
And if you do not bring me this one little thing,
Then Santa, get ready to bleed.


Video: Practical Best Practices

It's my favorite time of year - the Devoxx presentations from last year are now all free on parleys.com!

Of particular interest to serious students of computer science might be the software process talk I gave last year:
Practical Best Practices: Totally Better Best Practices for Practical Practicers

This is the same talk that I gave at the Big Android BBQ and Droidcon London (which were both posted last November). But each one is a unique snowflake, because my complete lack of rehearsal guarantees it. Also, there's a part at the end (my favorite part) where I take questions from the audience. I did that all of the times I gave that talk, but all of the questions were different (it would be odd if they weren't, since they were all given to different audiences in different countries. If I'd gotten the same questions, it would be odd and slightly disturbing and I might hire a bodyguard to protect me from geek stalkers).

Also, I like the Devoxx version because the recording and presentation quality of all of their talks is so high. When you're done with this one and you've learned everything you can from it (actually, that will be true without watching any of it), check out the other talks for the conference; it's a great developer conference that I highly encourage people to attend if they can.



Father's Day: It's All About the Donuts

Warm and dripping,
Super glazy
Perfect food for
Super lazy
People, I go
Super crazy
When the donuts come.

Dozens by the
Cardboard box,
With only paper
Flaps as locks,
I’ll fill myself down
To my socks;
I think, in fact, I’ll have some.

Does anyone know what this Sunday is? No? Nobody?
Sunday is Father's Day.

That's right, it's the one day every year that we set aside for making every child feel guilty for what their father's have done for them while simultaneously making every father feel guilty that they haven't done enough for their children.
It's like Mother's Day except that, face it, Dad's just kinda suck more at the job.

So why not make everyone feel better. Give the man a donut.
Oh wait - he's eaten too many of those already? Well how about a book instead?


Coffee: Grounds for Change

Is it really that hard to make a cup of coffee?
(An article I posted on Medium)



Food for Thought

This important project was sponsored, in part, by the organizers of the Devoxx developer conferences. It represents years of research and days of indigestion.


Training Day

This important documentary gives a glimpse into the difficult training regimen of competitive presenting.


Husband and Father is Leaving Senior Family Position to Spend More Time at the Office

Keith Sturbender is leaving his job as caretaker of his family to spend more time as an accountant at a small local company.

“Mr. Sturbender has office situations that need his attention,” a co-worker said. “There are many important meetings that he could be attending, and bureaucratic office politics that would benefit from his pedantic point of view. He is putting the needs of the corporation and of his colleagues first.”

“My family has been very supportive of this change,” said Mr. Sturbender in a prepared statement. “If it weren’t for the love and strength that they have offered to me in this stressful time, I don’t think I could have found it in me to leave them behind.”

Mr. Sturbender started his tenure with his family two and a half years ago, when his wife gave birth to their first child. “My place,” he said at that time, “is at home with the children. They need a nurturing environment in which to grow and learn.” The family has since had twins; all three children are still in diapers.

In his prepared statement, Mr. Sturbender said, “I just can’t take it any more. The incessant need for attention and the godawful crying All the Damn Time. And the idiotic sing-alongs? Don’t get me started! I look forward to getting back to what I do best: sitting at my desk organizing calendar appointments and revising meeting minutes.”

“When Mr. Sturbender told us that he wanted to move on, we respected his decision. Family life isn’t for everyone, and the family understands how important his agenda meetings and internal Fiscal Statement memos are to him. Sometimes, you just have to understand life’s priorities and put the company first.”

The family is currently searching for a new husband for the position recently vacated, according the family’s divorce lawyer.