9/05/2016

Oh Dog of Shitty Posture



Oh dog of shitty posture
Listing to the right.
A vision of a crumpled mess
In coat of dingy white.












Oh dog of shitty posture
Slumped upon your hip.
A broken, melted candle.
A slowly sinking ship.







Oh dog of shitty posture,
What happened to your pride?
Why don’t you sit up on your feet,
Instead of on your side?


6/03/2016

National Donut Day


Some holidays get a
Big, loud parade
Or concert halls where
Music is played.

Some holidays get
Flags a-waving
At monuments with
Marble engraving.

But my favorite day
Gets none of this stuff.
The fact that it’s here
Is joyous enough.

Just to eat a good donut
At work or at play
Is the best way to honor
National Donut Day.



Happy National Donut Day, everyone!
May your joy grow with your waistline!


5/28/2016

Exit Code

Lately, I've been writing longer-form humor pieces over on Medium. Like this one:

Exit Code

12/11/2015

A Donut for Christmas


A donut for Christmas is all that I want
In fact it is all that I need.
I don't need more games or gadgets or toys
Or movies or big books to read.

I just want a donut, with sprinkles on top,
For that I will beg and then plead.
And if you do not bring me this one little thing,
Then Santa, get ready to bleed.

9/16/2015

Video: Practical Best Practices

It's my favorite time of year - the Devoxx presentations from last year are now all free on parleys.com!

Of particular interest to serious students of computer science might be the software process talk I gave last year:
Practical Best Practices: Totally Better Best Practices for Practical Practicers

This is the same talk that I gave at the Big Android BBQ and Droidcon London (which were both posted last November). But each one is a unique snowflake, because my complete lack of rehearsal guarantees it. Also, there's a part at the end (my favorite part) where I take questions from the audience. I did that all of the times I gave that talk, but all of the questions were different (it would be odd if they weren't, since they were all given to different audiences in different countries. If I'd gotten the same questions, it would be odd and slightly disturbing and I might hire a bodyguard to protect me from geek stalkers).

Also, I like the Devoxx version because the recording and presentation quality of all of their talks is so high. When you're done with this one and you've learned everything you can from it (actually, that will be true without watching any of it), check out the other talks for the conference; it's a great developer conference that I highly encourage people to attend if they can.

https://www.parleys.com/tutorial/software-engineering-totally-better-best-practices-practical-practicers

6/19/2015

Father's Day: It's All About the Donuts

Warm and dripping,
Super glazy
Perfect food for
Super lazy
People, I go
Super crazy
When the donuts come.

Dozens by the
Cardboard box,
With only paper
Flaps as locks,
I’ll fill myself down
To my socks;
I think, in fact, I’ll have some.

Does anyone know what this Sunday is? No? Nobody?
Sunday is Father's Day.

That's right, it's the one day every year that we set aside for making every child feel guilty for what their father's have done for them while simultaneously making every father feel guilty that they haven't done enough for their children.
It's like Mother's Day except that, face it, Dad's just kinda suck more at the job.

So why not make everyone feel better. Give the man a donut.
Oh wait - he's eaten too many of those already? Well how about a book instead?

5/10/2015

Coffee: Grounds for Change

Is it really that hard to make a cup of coffee?
(An article I posted on Medium)

https://medium.com/the-coffeelicious/coffee-grounds-for-change-bfbfce0b528f