Thanksgiving: An Ode to Overeating

Now we sit to eat some bird

I have second helpings, then a third,

For forty-five minutes not a word is heard

As we all eat as much as we can.

There’s relish quivering on a plate

And tons of meat to masticate

And gravy for the mashed potat-

oes (man oh man oh man).

There’s spinach casserole in a dish

Next to the dressing (that’s just delish)

And then mashed potatoes, as much as you’d wish

For, the spread goes on and on.

There’s beans and there’s stuffing (both cornbread and herb)

And some pasta thing that’s simply superb,

The tables of food extend way out to the curb,

From the kitchen right out to the lawn.

Nuts in a bowl go mostly uneaten;

The candies beside have them easily beaten,

Healthy consumption always feels like cheatin’

At the annual Thanksgiving meal.

The turkey was cooked all wrapped with bacon

(If you think our meal’s kosher, you’re quite mistaken)

Anyone’s diet was quite forsaken,

Eating badly is, frankly, the deal.

I’m eating and eating and getting quite stuffed

But of dressing and gravy, I can’t get enough!

So I swallow some more, which is very tough,

But that’s what Thanksgiving’s for!

When I can’t fit more in, I loosen my jeans;

I have to find room, no matter the means,

I must have more meat! more gravy! more greens!

I’ll eat till I can’t any more!

Standing up frees some space for one more bite,

But forcing another takes all of my might,

Continuing eating just doesn’t seem right,

So I just stuff the rest in my mouth.

Mm-mm-rrf sn-ggrrr-fn, r-r-n g-ckn,

Fr gn-gn s shn-gr fn gr n-m-n,

Ck-sn dn-mn frr-gn, d-srn dn-drn-dn,

P frgn dr srn grndy brouf.