When I am King...
New vocational institutions will enhance our childrens' career potential.
As an adult, you focus on your career, aiming high, pursuing ambitions, and striving for goals, rewards, and achievements.
As a parent, you realize that you've already peaked. Long ago. So you start focusing on your children, hoping that they can play where you merely spectated. Of course this is purely for their benefit, although there is always the nice dream of your children buying you an island someday. Or a house. Or a nice car. Or at least dinner.
Because we see our children as alternate versions of ourselves, though lacking our height advantages for several years, we envision their careers in the same paths as our own. In my case, I make sure that they try hard in school, enjoy playing video games, and fail utterly in sports. We also picture future academic and career paths not too dissimilar from ours, although stunningly more successful.
But I had a revelation recently that has made me chuck the whole thing (the ideas, not the children). I've obviously been in the wrong career path this whole time, and should make sure that my children do not make the same mistake.
I was in Las Vegas last week, and had to take a cab back to the airport. I finally made my way out of the hotel (an epic journey in and of itself; I'm sure they moved the front door to the place while I was inside) and found the taxi cab line. I waited in this line for about ten minutes, watching the cab man the whole time.
That guy has nailed it. This is the career path we all should have chosen. Here, from what I could tell, is his job:
Cab Man [to passenger]: Where ya goin'?
Cab Man [to driver]: Airport
[Cab Man opens door]
[Passenger hands Cab Man a dollar]
Cab Man [to Passenger]: Thank you
[Cab Man closes door]
[Cab Man wraps dollar bill around huge money bundle in his hand]
This guy was able to move cabs at a rate of about 20 to 30 seconds each, which means he was raking in about $120-$180 and hour, just in tips. Cash.
You can say what you want about job satisfaction, but I imagine the cab man finds that kind of money pretty satisfying.
In my kingdom, I will establish new trade schools that focus on this solid career path. There will be rigorous classes on opening and closing car doors ("Opening Doors to Opportunities"). There will also be courses on speaking politely yet knowledgeably to drivers and passengers ("Chat 101"). Finally, there will be seminars on accepting tips graciously ("The Tipping Point"), with focused labs on holding largs wads of money safely ("Cash Stashing").
Parents can choose this alternate education track for their kids as soon as the children reach an appropriate age, like 8. The training will be an intensive course lasting three weeks, after which students will be placed with hotels and taxi stands throughout the nation. I figure that by the time the children would have been in high school, we can all retire.