Air travel is so awful these days. It's a good thing they give us such great things to read on the plane. There are the instructions on how to die properly in the event of an air accident, the label on how to use the barf bag properly, and the fascinating articles in the magazine on cities you've never thought about going to that have paid to have articles written about how fascinating they might be.
And then there's SkyMall: the home of products so ridiculous that they can't be sold on late-night shopping networks. They can only be foisted onto bored travelers whose common sense is distorted by altitude and cattle-car claustrophobia.
Here are a few ads from the latest issue.
Doggie SingletRemember: it's never too late to embarrass your pet.
My favorite bit here is that it's "The best solution for dog anxiety, guaranteed"
That may be fine for dogs, but I bet the cat in the lower right will appreciate that even more.
Portable Mind Controller
Stop, Roomba, that tickles! I don't -
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
Don't wait for a cold or allergies to sport your snot!
Now available in green and other colors!
Heaven and Helmet!
Pretend to be the astronaut you were never capable of becoming! Scare away your loved ones! Even your pets!
When you love the look of the Segway, but hate all of that convenience!
Why make your pet work any harder than you do to sit in your chair all day?
Coming soon: the escalator version.
Tired of your color? Why not try white?
A quick and easy way to tell visitors, "An idiot lives at this house."
Tired of watching your kite have all the fun? Now you can play, too! Don't worry about getting stuck in the tree - we'll get you down with sticks and rocks, too.