Air travel is so awful these days. It's a good thing they give us such great things to read on the plane. There are the instructions on how to die properly in the event of an air accident, the label on how to use the barf bag properly, and the fascinating articles in the magazine on cities you've never thought about going to that have paid to have articles written about how fascinating they might be.
And then there's SkyMall: the home of products so ridiculous that they can't be sold on late-night shopping networks. They can only be foisted onto bored travelers whose common sense is distorted by altitude and cattle-car claustrophobia.
Here are a few ads from the latest issue.
Doggie Singlet
Remember: it's never too late to embarrass your pet.My favorite bit here is that it's "The best solution for dog anxiety, guaranteed"
That may be fine for dogs, but I bet the cat in the lower right will appreciate that even more.
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Portable Mind Controller
Stop, Roomba, that tickles! I don't -
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
Fake Boogers
Don't wait for a cold or allergies to sport your snot!
Now available in green and other colors!
Heaven and Helmet!
Pretend to be the astronaut you were never capable of becoming! Scare away your loved ones! Even your pets!
DorkRider
When you love the look of the Segway, but hate all of that convenience!
LazyPet
Why make your pet work any harder than you do to sit in your chair all day?
Coming soon: the escalator version.
SkinTastic!
Tired of your color? Why not try white?
Tree Faces
A quick and easy way to tell visitors, "An idiot lives at this house."
Strings Attached!
Tired of watching your kite have all the fun? Now you can play, too! Don't worry about getting stuck in the tree - we'll get you down with sticks and rocks, too.
3 comments:
this is hysterical. On Sunday en route to Portland I sat next to a guy who spent two hours carefully perusing SkyMall.
Actually, the Thundershirt is a knockoff, a cheap imitation of the original and only patented pressure wrap for dogs (and cats) called the Anxiety Wrap.
It may seem silly, but the original pressure wrap is based on science, the science of maintained pressure (http://anxietywrap.com/files/pdfs/TheTechniqueOfMaintainedPressure.pdf) and acupressure.
As a registered nurse I have seen pressure work to calm people with autism.
Dr. Temple Grandin, who the inventor of The Anxiety Wrap consulted in her research and development is a professor of animla science at Colorado State University known for her work to make the treatment of animals in the farming industry more humane. She has a form of autism and also invented a "squeeze machine" (http://www.grandin.com/inc/squeeze.html) for herself to help calm her during anxiety attacks in college. Grandin got the idea watching cattle on her aunt's farm held snugly in a chute to help calm them during inoculations.
Susan Sharpe, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer and T-Touch Practitioner who invented The Anxiety Wrap in 2001 after experimentation with over 90 different prototypes is mentioned in one of Dr. Grandin's books, "Animals Make Us Human," page 54.
In my current profession of dog training and behavior modification of dogs with fear and aggression I have seen The Anxiety Wrap work wonders.
I have a strong background in science - natural science as well as nursing science and would not recommend this product if I had not seen it work like I have with consistent and remarkable results.
I first used The Anxiety Wrap on my own dog several years ago and was so impressed that I have been recommending it to my clients with fearful and anxious dogs ever since.
I have used the Anxiety Wrap successfully in the treatment of a variety of forms of anxiety from thunderstorm phobia to severe separation anxiety.
In a recent clinical research study led by veterinarian, Dr. Nicholas Dodman at the prestigious Tufts University The Anxiety Wrap was found to be effective in 89% of the dogs in the study and the researchers concluded that The Anxiety Wrap is a "safe and effective treatment for thunderstorm phobia."
While the Thundershirt may be nothing more than a tight-fitting dog coat and may provide some anxiety relief in somce dogs, the original, patented Anxiety Wrap is an excellent product that really does work and works consistently. For more information about The Anxiety Wrap, see the company website at http://www.anxietywrap.com and this article which discusses the similarities and differences between the various garments on the market today that are reputed to reduce anxiety: http://anxietywrapsays.blogspot.com/2012/02/comparison-of-anxiety-wrap-thundershirt.html
Yeah, I'm going to have to go along with my friend A. Nony here. I have dog people friends that swear by them for firecrackers and thunder. (remember thunder??)
Cats not so much. My fab four can sleep through any loud act of God, yet if another cat sets his paw on our property with the windows closed, they will scream, break the blinds, and hurl themselves at the door. Go figure.
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