5/20/2011

Rapturous

Apparently, the world is coming to an end tomorrow. And I’d just gotten used to the place.

It seems worth spending a few minutes preparing ourselves. I mean, the world only ends once. Here are some tips for how to deal with The End:
  • Brush your teeth. There’s nothing like starting on a long journey and realizing your breath stinks. And who knows when you’ll see a tube of Crest again?
  • Put a lot of food out for the dog. Hell, just open the rest of the bag out onto the floor. We’re going to be gone for a while.
  • Make sure the stove and coffee pot are turned off. Check them twice. Three times. You don’t want to worry about that for the rest of eternity.
  • Bring comfy shoes: We always want to look our best, but nobody looks good when they’re hobbling along for miles because of the blisters. And you don’t want to break a heel in all the kerfuffle.
  • Pack light: The Bible has never been clear on the baggage rules. Will we be able to check bags? Does the first bag cost $25? Is there enough room in the overhead, or do we have to take up precious leg room for our carry-ons? Better to pack light and avoid the hassle. Leave the parka at home and bring a windbreaker instead.
  • Take those pills: We don’t know what the travel accommodations will be like, so if you’re at all prone to motion sickness, it’s best take your pills in the morning. Besides, they might help you sleep. It could be a long journey.
  • Bring something to read. Long flights with no entertainment are so tedious; don’t risk it.
  • List your accomplishments: Just in case there’s an opportunity for an upgrade, you might want to list out all of the good things you’ve done in your life. Just for a reminder (they probably know already). If they do have a rewards program, these will probably be your points. And you don’t want to travel in coach if you don’t have to.
  • Get some good sleep the night before. It's always more fun to travel when you're well-rested.
  • Lock your door and sit on the curb. Like the stove, don’t wonder whether you remember to lock it. And go outside to sit on the curb and wait. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if they stopped by to get you and you didn’t hear them because you were in the bathroom? Don’t run that risk.
That's all I can think of. I need to go check the stove and coffee pot. See you tomorrow.
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