There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a train.
Every cloud has a silver lining. That's what makes the rain poisonous.
Good fences make good neighbors. So I installed some razor wire and gun turrets in my yard, because I want to be a really good neighbor.
Now, if I can just figure out how to stop the dogs from tripping the land mines.
Water is constantly recycled through our planet's ecosystem. So the next time you drink some water, try to imagine how many people that water has passed through before it got to your mouth. That's why I only drink beer.
I love traffic. How else would we ever get to spend any quality time in our cars that cost us so much money to drive?
When a dog licks you, do you really think he wants to taste your hand? Don't you think it's more likely that he's trying to get the taste of something awful he ate off of his tongue?