11/25/2006

Thanksgiving: A Fowl Tradition

I am now in recovery from the Thanskgiving meal. I believe this holiday originally celebrated sharing between cultures and giving thanks for the bounty of the harvest. It has now come to symbolize binge eating and drinking to an awesome degree.

The turkey itself is almost irrelevant compared to all of the side dishes. You've got the stuffing, which is basically there to make sure that none of the grease from the turkey escapes. Then the gravy, which is nothing more than grease in a solid form. Every vegetable dish is more like vegetable particles held in a solution of cream and butter. The fruit is mixed with so much sugar or gelatin that you might as well call it Jello. And the alcohol keeps flowing, presumably to numb our nerves so our intestines don't hurt.

And after all of this food, you have dessert. You can just hear the stomach seams popping as everyone inhales the pie.

I envy the Romans with their socially acceptable vomitoriums. I think bulimics are probably the only people that are comfortable with their bodies this weekend.

In the meantime, I was wondering:
If wishbones really worked, don't you think the turkeys would have figured it out long ago and there'd be a lot less birds consumed every year?
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