The Jellyfish: A Limer-ick

The Monterey Bay Aquarium held a poetry contest this month on the subject of Jellyfish.
Here is an entry I didn't submit:

A jellyfish from Monterey

Was having a very bad day.

A propeller in motion

Sliced through him and the ocean

And now he’s all over the bay.

Chet Stands Up at the Purple Onion

I did a standup set in the SFCC Underground show at the Purple Onion last week in San Francisco. Here's the result:

When I am King: Affair Trade Blends

When I am King...

Coffee blends will be more personal.

I was in Peet’s Coffee last week and overheard the guy at the counter pitching a recent release of their Anniversary Blend.

At first, this seemed like a dumb idea: why name a coffee after a relationship milestone? To me, an anniversary is something that comes every single year and still I forget it. You might as well call it, “Here again. Already. Did you buy her anything?”

I was also wondering, what association do the beans have with an anniversary? Is the coffee bitter and old? Or full of promise and hope, which runs out very soon?

Then I realized that an Anniversary Blend could be the beginning of a great suite of Relationship Blends.

When I am King, we will have more coffee blends for couples, such as:

• First Kiss: Usually brewed incorrectly. You will always remember this one, more from embarrassment than anything else.
• Dating Around: With every kind of bean, some of which might carry diseases.
• One Night Stand: Tastes best at night after a few drinks. Not very nice the following day when you've sobered up.
• Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Ground fine, like your patience.
• French Pressed: Like that relationship from your travels abroad: great while it happened, but then it was gone and all you had left were bitter, unpalatable detritus in the bottom of your cup.
• Pregnancy: This super-sized bag is quite heavy, lasts for several months, and is a complete hassle to carry around during the course of the binding contract. But it feels great when you’re done with it.
• Labor: For women only. Hurst like hell.
• Children: This blend is very expensive at first, but much more expensive over the course of your ~20 year contract. It’s an acquired taste, with many disappointing overtones.
• Slept with your Best Friend (also known as Grounds for Divorce)

Things I Believe: Thoughts for Friday

Lighting never strikes twice in the same place. It'll probably hit you in the head first, then go for the sternum.

Less is more. More or less.

Power corrupts. Solar power corrupts renewably.

Strike while the iron is hot. Iron while the shirt is still slightly damp.