tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-340246662024-03-12T20:18:06.840-07:00Enough about you...<i>Anti-Social Commentary</i>
<p><i>All content on this blog, unless marked otherwise, is original and is copyright © Chet Haase 2006-2015, all rights reserved.</i></p>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.comBlogger691125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-57464938093847642942020-12-24T16:08:00.001-08:002020-12-24T16:08:09.036-08:00The First Christmas Present<p><i>The man walked to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up to his wife.</i></p><p>“Honey! I need a present!”</p><p>The man’s wife yelled back, “A present? You want me to give you a present?”</p><p>He said, “No, I need to give a present. I’m going to this thing and I need to bring a gift. For a baby. Or for his parents. It’s not clear. But I have to get rolling; Bob and Pete are out front waiting for me.”</p><p>His wife came to the top of the stairs. She said, “So you want me to suddenly come up with a great present. Any reason why you couldn’t have given me more notice than this? Like maybe you could have mentioned this when I went shopping yesterday? Or — I know! — you could have actually gotten this yourself, instead of relying on me! Wouldn’t that have been the wise thing to do?”</p><p>He said, “I know, I know. I’m sorry! But honestly, I didn’t know until just now. Bob and Pete just showed up and said we gotta go, and I need to take a gift.”</p><p>His wife stared at him for a few seconds. “Alright. I’ll see what I can do. Who’s the gift for?”</p><p>“Like I said — a baby.”</p><p>“Whose baby?”</p><p>The man said, “I don’t know.”</p><p>She said, “Wait, you don’t know? And you’re supposed to bring a gift? What is this, some kind of Secret Santa thing?”</p><p>He said, “No, it’s more complicated than that. It’s just — we’re supposed to go see this kid and bring him gifts.”</p><p>His wife stared silently again. “I… don’t get it. I mean, what’d he do that’s so special that you have to bring him something?”</p><p>“Apparently he’s the son of God or something.”</p><p>She said, “Rrrrrright. And where is this kid?”</p><p>He looked sheepishly at her. “I don’t really know. The guys said we just follow this star, and…”</p><p>She interrupted, “A star? You follow a star? Can you not — just once — ask directions? Or at least get an address and take a map? It’s like a desert out there! You could totally get lost. This makes no sense.”</p><p>He said, “I know, I know. Look, I don’t know any more than what I’ve told you. But I have to go, and I need something to give the kid.”</p><p>His wife walked downstairs. “Alright, alright, let me think.” She paused. “Wait, you remember that thing we got from your parents last year?”</p><p>He said, “Oh, you mean the… what was it?”</p><p>She said, “Myrrh. It was myrrh.”</p><p>He said, “Right, that. And… what was it exactly?”</p><p>She said, “I have no idea. Which is why it’s been sitting on the shelf in our garage since then. Still in its gift bag.”</p><p>He said, “But if they gave it to us, are we allowed to give it to someone else? Isn’t that like cheating?”</p><p>She said, “Who’s gonna know? The present police? Look, you want a present. And I have a present. It’s even still wrapped in that bag. It’s perfect.”</p><p>He said, “Except we don’t really know what it’s for.”</p><p>She said, “Well, that’s not our problem — it’s his. And what’s he going to do, complain? He’s a baby!”</p><p>He said, “Okay, okay, fine. I don’t really have a choice, anyway; I’ve got to go now. Where is it?”</p><p>She said, “I’ll get it.” She went out to the garage and came back with a colorful bag. “Look, doesn’t that look nice? It’s even got pictures of balloons on the gift bag. Babies like balloons. I put a new tag on it; they’ll never know.”</p><p>He said, “Yeah, that’ll do. Thanks, hon. Okay, I’ll see you soon. I think. Depends on where that star is headed.”</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p><i>Later, in a stable, a mother cuddles her newborn son. Her husband sits beside her, and the animals of the stable look over the scene, strangely calm silent.</i></p><p>The woman said, “Jospeh, what was that thing the third guy gave us.”</p><p>Her husband said, “I think he said it was ‘myrrh’.”</p><p>She said, “Murr? What is that? How do you even spell that?”</p><p>Joseph said, “I have no idea what it is. Here we are without even a room or a bed to sleep in and we’re getting presents like that. A crib would have been useful. Or maybe a hotel reservation for a night or two. Or a candle. Even a Starbucks card. But no, we get myrrh. Whatever that is.</p><p>“We don’t even have room for it on the mule. So now what do we do with it?”</p><p>She said, “Well, we’re visiting your parents this weekend. We should bring them a gift. Make a new tag for it. They’ll never know.”</p><p>Joseph said, “Myrrh it is. And maybe that fruitcake we got from the shepherd, too.” </p>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-24096010978869699282019-12-24T13:17:00.002-08:002019-12-24T13:17:34.174-08:00Dear Santa<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEE5ywaVfM31_MVv3mYmMgADf3Bi9KYv_5915fwSOTlE4V9mCeiUpSzNSgeNLNedkBRk_PEhmJyTZGrW-RY5K3GsRnL80_4swMSfzl5rWuDnPFbr5Xf8PaAYEy2CStKXNdEJJelw/s1600/DearSanta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="713" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEE5ywaVfM31_MVv3mYmMgADf3Bi9KYv_5915fwSOTlE4V9mCeiUpSzNSgeNLNedkBRk_PEhmJyTZGrW-RY5K3GsRnL80_4swMSfzl5rWuDnPFbr5Xf8PaAYEy2CStKXNdEJJelw/s1600/DearSanta.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-42465637218333796242017-11-05T06:34:00.001-08:002017-11-05T06:34:54.402-08:00Sunday Comics: Aging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIac5vC_bnhmWNNMbYFsZCZmK6_BH8fRyu5j0zBKMV98rGyawUmRVQkgekHiwvvJ4CkLACd7qBnJbD4cPSMZy7ARgbC4PIPm2jdiuwVPbriw7HrJw8J34_npz5kRp-_WxFHBGU8g/s1600/Aging.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="665" data-original-width="800" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIac5vC_bnhmWNNMbYFsZCZmK6_BH8fRyu5j0zBKMV98rGyawUmRVQkgekHiwvvJ4CkLACd7qBnJbD4cPSMZy7ARgbC4PIPm2jdiuwVPbriw7HrJw8J34_npz5kRp-_WxFHBGU8g/s320/Aging.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-69388338897551256722017-06-02T11:13:00.000-07:002017-06-02T11:13:53.546-07:00Project Management<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimb9qkBFTYoRW-aCCjpt7DL-6_By3o9BpxabN-O0f1zQvGEeeAha5HoTz22AlVwP7BFWpzg7FqHbrepG-OOM5Jv5K7FdmytzLz8Rpv03LBn00hmfSY6R_jQoWfiIHEXXPIIgFuzw/s1600/red-sea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="443" data-original-width="594" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimb9qkBFTYoRW-aCCjpt7DL-6_By3o9BpxabN-O0f1zQvGEeeAha5HoTz22AlVwP7BFWpzg7FqHbrepG-OOM5Jv5K7FdmytzLz8Rpv03LBn00hmfSY6R_jQoWfiIHEXXPIIgFuzw/s400/red-sea.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Every project has project managers</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-47930770968315883402016-09-05T08:05:00.000-07:002016-09-05T08:05:03.857-07:00Oh Dog of Shitty Posture<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Cz7zpgaLAbOnfiqTYwusnu20op9eL7V5um8u9oHx_qWfE29miJfAK6nyRRLq9_aTZay34JlM4ZP4AFfRoRNe_fSrKqr-Oy8P-60oj5vjgLbJfbEPLtMdFSVT5nfyWJ9Zzde4hg/s1600/IMG_20160607_194324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Cz7zpgaLAbOnfiqTYwusnu20op9eL7V5um8u9oHx_qWfE29miJfAK6nyRRLq9_aTZay34JlM4ZP4AFfRoRNe_fSrKqr-Oy8P-60oj5vjgLbJfbEPLtMdFSVT5nfyWJ9Zzde4hg/s200/IMG_20160607_194324.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Cz7zpgaLAbOnfiqTYwusnu20op9eL7V5um8u9oHx_qWfE29miJfAK6nyRRLq9_aTZay34JlM4ZP4AFfRoRNe_fSrKqr-Oy8P-60oj5vjgLbJfbEPLtMdFSVT5nfyWJ9Zzde4hg/s1600/IMG_20160607_194324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><i></i></a><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Oh dog of shitty posture</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Listing to the right.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">A vision of a crumpled mess</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">In coat of dingy white.</span></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHmUruQDsCi-OhDkUf25soogoBmVoh4ZQT3O0-Cqcyen4jmyl2MsW5elyTrBWZZSWazUngvLGFb5Nb5R28i04REv0537zGjsCpqG3sQXy4BnsywOlSIKD_awrtqioJ5hCteeAJA/s1600/DSC00014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHmUruQDsCi-OhDkUf25soogoBmVoh4ZQT3O0-Cqcyen4jmyl2MsW5elyTrBWZZSWazUngvLGFb5Nb5R28i04REv0537zGjsCpqG3sQXy4BnsywOlSIKD_awrtqioJ5hCteeAJA/s200/DSC00014.JPG" width="200" /></a><i></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"></span></i></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></span></i></span></i></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Oh dog of shitty posture</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Slumped upon your hip.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">A broken, melted candle.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">A slowly sinking ship.</span></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNRuTtDs65StOnxdMiFaY6HTCl7wfDUktP85W75YZn7bHFbDtHMfAe6bkeK4b5_KuytPLQLrzIKPzoEPtu8-MTQcOW825-fkHebUPtjUbOdy9k3CmtAOCM2kTswph9xEi4aRqhuw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-09-05+at+7.47.33+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNRuTtDs65StOnxdMiFaY6HTCl7wfDUktP85W75YZn7bHFbDtHMfAe6bkeK4b5_KuytPLQLrzIKPzoEPtu8-MTQcOW825-fkHebUPtjUbOdy9k3CmtAOCM2kTswph9xEi4aRqhuw/s200/Screen+Shot+2016-09-05+at+7.47.33+AM.png" width="200" /></a><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Oh dog of shitty posture,</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">What happened to your pride?</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Why don’t you sit up on your feet,</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Instead of on your side?</span></i></div>
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<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-8669458844005847232016-06-03T21:42:00.004-07:002016-06-05T08:21:28.662-07:00National Donut Day<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i>Some holidays get a</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Big, loud parade</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Or concert halls where</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Music is played.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Some holidays get</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Flags a-waving</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>At monuments with</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Marble engraving.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>But my favorite day</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Gets none of this stuff.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The fact that it’s here</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Is joyous enough.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Just to eat a good donut</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>At work or at play</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Is the best way to honor</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>National Donut Day.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Happy National Donut Day, everyone!</div><div style="text-align: center;">May your joy grow with your waistline!</div><div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1507624638/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=chet03-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1507624638&linkId=34c596ad250327f56ebffd771346a37c"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVDyt84IpWyK2opZeQcpph-W_0bbmcJcGaE5IwPH6FW49dycBTS2obXP1l3LpGNvLM7nFBodo9KRLsABP8z2NTn7C70NzXdAUbfsCOd0Ql_dOYNFiuCYV5rGgK_2RbvnxOF_zOdg/s320/RoundAndHolyCover.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-87333735208679563352016-05-28T11:05:00.003-07:002016-05-28T11:06:22.520-07:00Exit CodeLately, I've been writing longer-form humor pieces over on Medium. Like this one:<br />
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<a href="https://medium.com/pointer-io/exit-code-a2d48e8ccf1f">Exit Code</a>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-80123419691705491222015-12-11T10:09:00.004-08:002015-12-12T08:05:55.707-08:00A Donut for Christmas<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>A donut for Christmas is all that I want</i></div>
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<i>In fact it is all that I need.</i></div>
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<i>I don't need more games or gadgets or toys</i></div>
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<i>Or movies or big books to read.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>I just want a donut, with sprinkles on top,</i></div>
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<i>For that I will beg and then plead.</i></div>
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<i>And if you do not bring me this one little thing,</i></div>
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<i>Then Santa, get ready to bleed.</i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglNBlAzW_lzL2tI-8-g-_mka3KIBp0EL2Y8Atk_rQ1KEOktnU1b3ddIRp2LuNEZVemr4pyZkzjVINkdxmgwfrDiCk6WvciK6qrei_D3gZJxyx3U4J3jm5G9W65t6cxTZ-bXtmrVQ/s1600/IMG_20151211_095818.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglNBlAzW_lzL2tI-8-g-_mka3KIBp0EL2Y8Atk_rQ1KEOktnU1b3ddIRp2LuNEZVemr4pyZkzjVINkdxmgwfrDiCk6WvciK6qrei_D3gZJxyx3U4J3jm5G9W65t6cxTZ-bXtmrVQ/s320/IMG_20151211_095818.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-71209267097004796522015-09-16T19:48:00.001-07:002015-09-16T19:48:23.541-07:00Video: Practical Best PracticesIt's my favorite time of year - the Devoxx presentations from last year are now all free on parleys.com!<br />
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Of particular interest to serious students of computer science might be the software process talk I gave last year:<br />
<i>Practical Best Practices: Totally Better Best Practices for Practical Practicers</i><br />
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This is the same talk that I gave at the Big Android BBQ and Droidcon London (which were both posted last November). But each one is a unique snowflake, because my complete lack of rehearsal guarantees it. Also, there's a part at the end (my favorite part) where I take questions from the audience. I did that all of the times I gave that talk, but all of the questions were different (it would be odd if they weren't, since they were all given to different audiences in different countries. If I'd gotten the same questions, it would be odd and slightly disturbing and I might hire a bodyguard to protect me from geek stalkers).<br />
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Also, I like the Devoxx version because the recording and presentation quality of all of their talks is so high. When you're done with this one and you've learned everything you can from it (actually, that will be true without watching any of it), check out the other talks for the conference; it's a great developer conference that I highly encourage people to attend if they can.<br />
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<a href="https://www.parleys.com/tutorial/software-engineering-totally-better-best-practices-practical-practicers%EF%BB%BF">https://www.parleys.com/tutorial/software-engineering-totally-better-best-practices-practical-practicers</a>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-645070614752911152015-09-06T08:44:00.001-07:002015-09-06T08:44:14.443-07:00My Favorite Word YetHere's a piece I wrote about my new favorite word.<br />
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<script async="" src="https://static.medium.com/embed.js"></script><a class="m-story" data-collapsed="true" href="https://medium.com/the-coffeelicious/my-favorite-word-yet-e5c3f550410">My Favorite Word Yet</a><br />
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Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-60659443666177925722015-07-26T10:04:00.004-07:002015-07-26T10:04:58.253-07:00Sunday Comics: Please Take a Number<i>"Based on a true story"</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2u8VTq8Lt_cBGVuEO6O8OR1g0Jv_6fLl1-erO4AMp07DfrRwY4C64oEQ1ZleH7SYDxG1liEJwxC4Y7-8VeIdQQFM6mOtYGtzl3-XlgzAdgGG9TDqhllOzLFqMhteecfqnMWaBmw/s1600/DMV.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2u8VTq8Lt_cBGVuEO6O8OR1g0Jv_6fLl1-erO4AMp07DfrRwY4C64oEQ1ZleH7SYDxG1liEJwxC4Y7-8VeIdQQFM6mOtYGtzl3-XlgzAdgGG9TDqhllOzLFqMhteecfqnMWaBmw/s400/DMV.png" width="313" /></a></div>
<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-64666697217397879652015-06-19T18:18:00.002-07:002015-06-19T18:18:24.934-07:00Father's Day: It's All About the Donuts<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Warm and dripping,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Super glazy</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Perfect food for</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Super lazy</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>People, I go</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Super crazy</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>When the donuts come.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br />
</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Dozens by the</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Cardboard box,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>With only paper</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Flaps as locks,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I’ll fill myself down</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>To my socks;</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I think, in fact, I’ll have some.</i></div>
<br />
Does anyone know what this Sunday is? No? <i>Nobody</i>?<br />
Sunday is <b>Father's</b> Day.<br />
<br />
That's right, it's the one day every year that we set aside for making every child feel guilty for what their father's have done for them while simultaneously making every father feel guilty that they haven't done enough for their children. <br />
It's like Mother's Day except that, face it, Dad's just kinda suck more at the job.<br />
<br />
So why not make everyone feel better. Give the man a donut.<br />
Oh wait - he's eaten too many of those already? Well how about a book instead?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=ss_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=filriccli-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1507624638&asins=1507624638&linkId=FE4QOYPQBRIBZBBS&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"><br />
</iframe></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-38647499476090897802015-05-10T20:07:00.000-07:002015-05-10T20:07:00.723-07:00Coffee: Grounds for ChangeIs it <i>really</i> that hard to make a cup of coffee?<br />
(An article I posted on Medium)<br />
<br />
https://medium.com/the-coffeelicious/coffee-grounds-for-change-bfbfce0b528f<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ3aFNFpRLXWweVChAMDMLjT1_YUxPA-emw0PqPY9bkA9QtyQTRTK7p9K0X4tUqpv2iJSUDy2nbs8b0TgeCOh2Odz9DoOKEZGUzW5Qn4zXwM4gVFUAiOpHK8POAUI5I53j45UiFw/s1600/P1110951.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ3aFNFpRLXWweVChAMDMLjT1_YUxPA-emw0PqPY9bkA9QtyQTRTK7p9K0X4tUqpv2iJSUDy2nbs8b0TgeCOh2Odz9DoOKEZGUzW5Qn4zXwM4gVFUAiOpHK8POAUI5I53j45UiFw/s400/P1110951.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-10108264776651273012015-04-11T18:05:00.004-07:002015-04-11T18:05:57.744-07:00Water WaysTips for saving water during California's drought.<br />
<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7uZsztH_DvI" width="560"></iframe></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-27354487741979126662015-04-01T08:45:00.004-07:002015-04-01T08:45:53.870-07:00Food for ThoughtThis important project was sponsored, in part, by the organizers of the <a href="http://devoxx.com/">Devoxx</a> developer conferences. It represents years of research and days of indigestion.<br />
<div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sa6-w4AANcY" width="560"></iframe></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-74304539754440454302015-02-28T16:16:00.000-08:002015-02-28T16:16:07.545-08:00Training DayThis important documentary gives a glimpse into the difficult training regimen of competitive presenting.<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zViVi0XUbDc" width="560"></iframe></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-12179875632020031672015-02-16T19:51:00.004-08:002015-02-16T19:51:51.603-08:00Husband and Father is Leaving Senior Family Position to Spend More Time at the OfficeKeith Sturbender is leaving his job as caretaker of his family to spend more time as an accountant at a small local company.<br />
<br />
“Mr. Sturbender has office situations that need his attention,” a co-worker said. “There are many important meetings that he could be attending, and bureaucratic office politics that would benefit from his pedantic point of view. He is putting the needs of the corporation and of his colleagues first.”<br />
<br />
“My family has been very supportive of this change,” said Mr. Sturbender in a prepared statement. “If it weren’t for the love and strength that they have offered to me in this stressful time, I don’t think I could have found it in me to leave them behind.”<br />
<br />
Mr. Sturbender started his tenure with his family two and a half years ago, when his wife gave birth to their first child. “My place,” he said at that time, “is at home with the children. They need a nurturing environment in which to grow and learn.” The family has since had twins; all three children are still in diapers.<br />
<br />
In his prepared statement, Mr. Sturbender said, “I just can’t take it any more. The incessant need for attention and the godawful crying All the Damn Time. And the idiotic sing-alongs? Don’t get me started! I look forward to getting back to what I do best: sitting at my desk organizing calendar appointments and revising meeting minutes.”<br />
<br />
“When Mr. Sturbender told us that he wanted to move on, we respected his decision. Family life isn’t for everyone, and the family understands how important his agenda meetings and internal Fiscal Statement memos are to him. Sometimes, you just have to understand life’s priorities and put the company first.”<br />
<br />
The family is currently searching for a new husband for the position recently vacated, according the family’s divorce lawyer.Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-66056248844589298372015-02-13T10:55:00.000-08:002015-02-13T10:55:05.955-08:00Round & Holy: The FAQ<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdZvu-GY_h2aMFHnGkc9Xq41ghvnxOvAaKjK2sNlJ0ddl37rBpAndfkgkcA4sJunzUyFQEZZICvEBKkSPgNQnCN5mQetbHY_Xw3uN65u3nfPp6u24nrn4fLWqSUon_aO2zNKkqdg/s1600/IMG_20150213_074440.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdZvu-GY_h2aMFHnGkc9Xq41ghvnxOvAaKjK2sNlJ0ddl37rBpAndfkgkcA4sJunzUyFQEZZICvEBKkSPgNQnCN5mQetbHY_Xw3uN65u3nfPp6u24nrn4fLWqSUon_aO2zNKkqdg/s1600/IMG_20150213_074440.jpg" height="175" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
As a prospective buyer of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1507624638/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1507624638&linkCode=as2&tag=filriccli-20&linkId=P75DVCVEFDGVP2AR">Round and Holy: An Homage to Donuts</a>, I am sure that you have important questions about the book that you'd like answers to before spending the entire $4.95 that it would take to own a copy.<br />
<br />
I can't answer those questions, but here are some other, completely different questions, along with adequate answers. Maybe they'll help.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: Why did you write a poetry book? What about another programming book? Or humor book?</i><br />
<br />
A: Please constrain yourself to one question at a time. This format completely breaks down if everyone's shouting multi-part questions at me at the same time. This is an FAQ, not a presidential press conference. Nevertheless, I will, just this once, answer this question with a multi-part answer:<br />
<br />
A1: Why poetry? Because I want to do the best I can at every endeavor. When it's was clear that I was being successful at writing humor books that don't sell many copies, I realized that I had to go further, and be better than I had before. If I'm going to publish books that don't sell well, I should publish a thin volume of poetry, because that kind of book doesn't sell better than <i>every other kind of book</i>. I fully expect to not sell many copies of this book and, in so doing, it will be my most successful humor book yet.<br />
<br />
A2: Because programming books take a lot of effort. Seriously. You lose like six months of weekends and evenings, and editing the book is slightly less pleasurable than gouging out your eyes with a salty oyster fork. Poetry, on the other hand, is fun to write.<br />
<br />
A3: This is a humor book. It's just a lot shorter. And it rhymes.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: Why donuts?</i><br />
<br />
A: Er, uh, um, ... because <i>donuts</i>. Obviously.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: What's your favorite kind of donut?</i><br />
<br />
A: The one that's in front of me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: Why is the book so short?</i><br />
<br />
A: Great question, thanks for asking! There are a couple of answers to this one:<br />
<br />
a) Because it's a poetry book. Have you heard the term "slim volume of poetry"? Of course you have, especially if you read my answers above. But have you ever heard the term "monstrously long volume of poetry"? Of course not. Nobody wants a huge volume of poetry; it will just sit there on your end-table, weighing it down and making you feel guilty for never picking it up and actually reading it. What we really want from a poetry book is something like that we can pick up, enjoy, and put down again easily. And it can double as a drink coaster. This is another book in this classic tradition; it has just the right amount of poems in it for a poetry book.<br />
<br />
b) Because donuts. Whenever you have donuts, you think you're going to want a lot of them. You plow through the first one without even noticing it. Then you take on a second and really enjoy it. Then somewhere in the middle of the third donut, you realize you've probably had enough. You might, in some critical situations (like, for example, you wanted to) go for four donuts. But you'll feel and probably regret that decision for the rest of the day.<br />
This book, about donuts, realizes that fundamental truth about its subject and offers just enough poems to satisfy, but not so many that you'll feel stuffed, obese, and nauseous.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: Why is there no electronic version of this book?</i><br />
<br />
A: Can you consume donuts on your Kindle? Obviously not. Likewise, you'll need the physical form of this book to really enjoy it.<br />
Honestly, I could have published the electronic version of the book, just like I did for my When I am King... books, but I don't think that electronic books do justice to illustrated books. And the illustrations are such an important part of this book that I didn't want to lose that dynamic in turning to digital. Sometimes, old-fashioned is best.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: The art in this book looks different than the drawings on your two When I am King... books. Did you take classes? Or practice?</i><br />
<br />
A: Again with the multiple questions. But I'll overlook this and rephrase your questions as a simple "What gives?"<br />
When I realized that I would need to provide illustrations for every poem in the book, sometimes more than one per poem, I soon saw that: (a) it would take me a long time to draw illustrations I was happy with and (b) I was incapable of drawing anything but my own self portrait. So I sought the aid of an old friend of mine, Jim Bias, who was able to work through the material with me, figure out a style that we both liked, and quickly deliver all kinds of options for the book.<br />
I hope this marks an important change in the direction of my books; whenever there's an illustration that's not my self-portrait, maybe it will be done by Jim.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Q: Could you give us just one poem here?</i><br />
<br />
A: Can't rhyme. No time.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=ss_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=filriccli-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1507624638&asins=1507624638&linkId=5HM4RJ2H76AZDQWC&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"><br />
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Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-65944229665396613052015-02-12T06:32:00.000-08:002015-02-12T06:32:19.306-08:00Round and Holy: An Homage to Donuts (The Book)<i>Q: What's better than a donut in the morning?</i><br />
<div>
<i>A: A donut <b>book</b> in the morning. And a donut.</i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">O</span>nce in a generation, a book comes along that will change your life.<br />
This is not that book.<br />
<br />
These richly illustrated poems celebrate humanity's greatest achievement: the donut.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>Round & Holy: An Homage to Donuts</i>: Now available from Amazon:</div>
<div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=ss_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=filriccli-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1507624638&asins=1507624638&linkId=5HM4RJ2H76AZDQWC&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"><br />
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Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-63643931660071715352015-02-08T16:10:00.001-08:002015-02-08T16:10:57.375-08:00Sunday Comics: Sign Language<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFJWr9b91gKHnO1jp_ataUDK1XfS3bisGouGpFxLajqUh-navhyphenhyphenieJi0j-thGMWVsSBQnOsH2_KpVbNZ4zIbFI6_OxZOFyEUvb0xdIgfHtxftprNEPb9UPy_FXd2VAvWlmCqoGaw/s1600/Beware-of-God-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFJWr9b91gKHnO1jp_ataUDK1XfS3bisGouGpFxLajqUh-navhyphenhyphenieJi0j-thGMWVsSBQnOsH2_KpVbNZ4zIbFI6_OxZOFyEUvb0xdIgfHtxftprNEPb9UPy_FXd2VAvWlmCqoGaw/s1600/Beware-of-God-1.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-17598475638324860982015-01-11T15:32:00.002-08:002015-01-11T15:32:56.239-08:00The Fine Print<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">I've never read the label of my scotches before; drinking whiskey and reading fine print aren't really activities that go well together. But I I finally managed to decipher this one.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEedHDQTKNqY2eUG58Gw4cH2u8ibxKb26lf_8OCVpMlXT1SpfJezlq6D68RNarwUJ0ZVllOYUF6fHEuXAr4Flgu8HxB7Ax2sn-yoVURJAH-rXTLGcTt4mQd3RghpJdTrVjsHaSpg/s1600/ObanBlurbComposite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEedHDQTKNqY2eUG58Gw4cH2u8ibxKb26lf_8OCVpMlXT1SpfJezlq6D68RNarwUJ0ZVllOYUF6fHEuXAr4Flgu8HxB7Ax2sn-yoVURJAH-rXTLGcTt4mQd3RghpJdTrVjsHaSpg/s1600/ObanBlurbComposite.jpg" height="301" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;"><br /></span>Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-20993767998222557792014-12-24T09:11:00.000-08:002014-12-24T09:11:19.370-08:00Christmas DeliveryIt was Christmas Eve and the workshop was, of course, utter chaos. It was the same every year.<br />
<br />
Sometime in February, a new Program Manager would propose a brand new process that would surely fix it last year's problems. “This time,” they’d say, “We’ll do it earlier. And we’ll do it better!”<br />
<br />
It would always start with schedule adjustments:<br />
<ul>
<li>The Naughty & Nice List must be frozen by June</li>
<li>Present orders due August first</li>
<li>Present manufacturing August-September</li>
<li>Present delivery to Shipping in October</li>
<li>Outstanding issues and errors processed in October</li>
<li>Final order adjustments in November</li>
</ul>
This, they said, would leave all of December to pack the sled, double-check everything, and take a big breath before Delivery.<br />
<br />
The schedule would start slipping early on. First, the Naughty & Nice List wouldn’t be ready on time. The PMs would ask for it, but Evaluation would push back, saying, “The year hasn’t even happened yet! We don’t know whether they’re naughty <i>or</i> nice!” They’d offer some token names for the List (with some kids you <b>always</b> know how its going to end up), but it didn’t even account for 5% of the total List. The PMs would argue for incremental improvement and names would trickle in over the year, but the bulk of the evaluations really didn’t happen until late Fall.<br />
<br />
Presents couldn’t be ordered in July, of course, because it wasn’t clear who would get what until the List was complete. Manufacturing stalled waiting on Ordering. And the entire Shipping department just went on a six month offsite to Aruba, knowing that there wouldn’t be anything for them to deal with until the last minute.<br />
<br />
Finally it all always comes together in December, with everything happening in parallel, gumming up the works as elves are hand-carrying names, orders, and presents in a flurry of activity more like Black Friday at Walmart than Santa’s Happy Workshop.<br />
<br />
This year, some PM (a new one, of course, as the previous year’s PM quit in a huff and took on a job in Returns (<i>“At least Returns knows something about adhering to process!, ”</i> she quipped in her obligatory departmental goodbye email)) had the bright idea of trying out some Agile methodology. They apparently ran across a huge stack of some book in Returns on the subject and thought that it would solve all of our problems.<br />
<br />
The year started out with this discouraging email:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hey Team!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As your new scrum master, I’m here to welcome you to 2014, or what I’m calling The Year of Process! This year, we won’t suffer any of the previous problems because we will iterate on deliverables in short sprints, delivering incremental product improvements based on specific customer requirements. Daily stand-up meetings will cover status as well as project overlap and bottlenecks, which will be adjusted through cross-team collaboration.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Through careful adherence to process discipline, we will all have a productive year and December will be a joyous holiday time instead of a slog.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So welcome to the Year of Process: It’s my gift to you!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Scrum Master Elf</span></blockquote>
<br />
Nobody understood or cared about this. Another year, another PM. Another PM, another attempt at fixing an unfixable problem.<br />
<br />
We all showed up for the first stand-up meeting; we’d heard there would be donuts. Everyone but the PM was seated comfortably, despite his best efforts to get us to rise. We spent a few painful minutes in a round-table status discussion, then ambled off to get some more coffee.<br />
<br />
The next day there was another stand-up meeting, but I don’t think anyone other than the PM showed up.<br />
<br />
We’d get a flurry of emails on how things were going on an almost continual basis. I think the PM was just having a conversation with himself; I know that we weren’t listening. Emails with titles like, “February Sprint Deliverables!” and “March Deadline Approaching!” and “[URGENT!] April Requirements Due!” all got auto-filtered into our junk folders.<br />
<br />
Around July, the emails stopped cold. The official story was that the PM had taken a vacation, from which he apparently never returned. The word on the street was that he had flipped out in the break room and started flinging sugar packets everywhere, shouting, “And <i>you</i> get process! And <i>you</i> get process! And <i>you</i> get process!” Security escorted him out and he’s supposedly recovering in his mother’s basement.<br />
<br />
The rest of the year went the same as they always do, with everyone just hanging out playing poker until December and then kicking into overdrive to get it all done on time.<br />
<br />
So here we were again: December 24th. The List had barely come in in time to have any of the presents ordered. But we pushed through a Code Red and got all the right forms submitted. The assembly line kicked into high gear, temporary elves were brought on, overtime was signed off on, and all of the presents were made to spec (though without, perhaps, the care and attention that they all deserved. But how is a five year old supposed to notice too much glue in a joint? Or whether their bear is cross-eyed? Or whether their toy trains wheels are trued?). We all formed a packing line to get the presents from Manufacturing into the sleigh, and it was all finally done with at least a minute to spare. Maybe even a minute and a half.<br />
<br />
“Okay, Santa,” I said to my boss as he settled into his seat, putting his fresh quint-espresso into the cup holder (a recent addition to the sleigh, something we managed in the summer downtime). “Everything is here: all <i>present</i> and accounted for. It’s a <i>wrap</i>!”<br />
<br />
He looked at me sternly. “You really need some new jokes,” he said.<br />
<br />
“And I thought I had a <i>gift</i>!,” I said with a smile.<br />
<br />
“Ugh. All right, let’s hook up the reindeer and get these delivered.”<br />
<br />
“Yes sir!”<br />
<br />
I turned to make it happen when he called me back.<br />
<br />
“Oh, and one more thing.”<br />
<br />
“Yes, Santa?”<br />
<br />
“I have an idea for a present for me for next year.”<br />
<br />
“Really? We’ve… we’ve… we’ve never had such a request, sir. I’m not sure we’re equipped. But we’ll see what we can do. Do you need a new sleigh? Dry-cleaning for your outfit? A new set of reindeer? A beard trimmer? World peace? What can we get you, sir?”<br />
<br />
“I want a year without process.”<br />
<br />
“Yes, <i>sir</i>!”Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-78003424468850063782014-11-30T15:18:00.002-08:002014-11-30T15:18:51.330-08:00The Twelve Days of Christmas Shopping<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the first day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>A box.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the second day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the third day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the fourth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the fifth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the sixth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the seventh day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the eighth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eight cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the ninth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Nine cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eight cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
</div>
<div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the tenth day of Christmas,</i></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Ten cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Nine cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eight cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the eleventh day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eleven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Ten cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Nine cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eight cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On the twelfth day of Christmas,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Amazon sent to me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Twelve cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eleven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Ten cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Nine cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eight cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seven cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Five envelopes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Three cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Two cardboard boxes,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And a box.</i></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwcOFZoSdbBR7XIn5dG3SR0_ZIe3-cuIXmQ-m9T8-bNWS6bUpOUWVZykgHdw_x31i8Yk6F91qCxn7aTkU8emgDjZhgsAjpBNktWcQZILXyt9CX8wx3gTOdFGkq_Zv5w4m2bKU10w/s1600/Boxes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwcOFZoSdbBR7XIn5dG3SR0_ZIe3-cuIXmQ-m9T8-bNWS6bUpOUWVZykgHdw_x31i8Yk6F91qCxn7aTkU8emgDjZhgsAjpBNktWcQZILXyt9CX8wx3gTOdFGkq_Zv5w4m2bKU10w/s1600/Boxes.jpg" height="230" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-27249917801422007632014-11-27T12:29:00.000-08:002014-11-27T12:29:00.744-08:00Thanksgiving Prayer<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Now I lay me down to eat:</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">I prey upon the turkey meat.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Stuffing follows in its wake,</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Buried in a gravy lake.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Now I lay me down to rest,</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">After some more chicken breast.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">If I shall die before I wake,</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">I won’t regret this food I take.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Amen.</span></i></div>
Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34024666.post-71979360505973508292014-10-24T06:43:00.000-07:002014-10-24T06:43:33.981-07:00The Optimist and the PessimistThe optimist believes the glass is half full.<br />
The pessimist believes the glass is half full - of poison.<br />
<br />
The optimist says, "It's Friday!"<br />
The pessimist says, "It's only two more days until Monday."<br />
<br />
The optimist sighs.<br />
The pessimist burps.<br />
<br />
The optimist looks forward to tomorrow.<br />
The pessimist doesn't bother.<br />
<br />
The optimist looks away.<br />
The pessimist looks bored.<br />
<br />
The optimist says something happy.<br />
The pessimist says, "We're all dead soon."<br />
<br />
The optimist frowns.<br />
The pessimist smirks.<br />
<br />
The optimist looks on the bright side.<br />
The pessimist looks for sunglasses.<br />
<br />
The optimist thinks the pessimist is depressing.<br />
The pessimist thinks the optimist is a jerk.<br />
The optimist takes offense at the pessimist.<br />
The pessimist takes a swing at the optimist.<br />
The optimist pulls away.<br />
The pessimist pulls a gun.<br />
The optimist ducks under the gun, grabs the pessimist's hand and, in the struggle for the weapon, fatally shoots the pessimist.<br />
<br />
The pessimist says, "See? I told you so," and dies.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The optimist says, "That's better!"Chet Haasehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03250991041464602854noreply@blogger.com0