12/30/2007

Holidazed


I love this festive time of year, from Thanksgiving through New Years. It's the one set of holidays that celebrates what Americans do best: Eat.

Also, it's the time of year when I reap the benefits of having never put away the Christmas decorations last year. Around July I may have looked the fool, but I'm sittin' pretty this month while my neighbors have toiled away their weekends stringing lights around their gutters and staking Santas to their roofs.

Honestly, I don't get the whole concept around decorating the house. Why add another weekend chore whose one guaranteed result is to add the reverse chore to your list in another month? That's like handing markers to a three year old standing in front of a clean, white wall; you're just inviting more work.

Far better to just skip the decorations the first time around. Sure. you may have the only dark house on the street, depressing and lonely looking when you come home in the evenings. Sure, you'll have to say "No" to the kids when they beg you to liven up the black hole of holiday despair. But that's just good practice for when they ask for a new game console or textbooks for school.

Of course, you may be worried about your standing in the neighborhood.

There are easy ways to avoid the social stigma associated with having the creepy house on the block. Tell your neighbors that you've converted to some religion that doesn't celebrate any holidays. Or tell people that you're allergic to lights and fake icicles. Or if you really want the subject closed, tell them your spouse died and you're in mourning. (This last one may require a bit of effort to make sure that your spouse stays hidden. Forever. But the firm way that it shuts down the nagging will be worth it).

You can also tell people that you're concered about global warming and that you're saving the planet one LED bulb at a time. Then get back to watching the game on your big screen plasma display, which you'll have plenty of time for since you didn't have to waste your weekends decorating the house.
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